hello & welcome to my brain

Just an eighteen year old insomniac, with an uncorny fetish for everything beautiful, who sometimes feels a sudden urge to voice her feelings/thoughts that are otherwise hidden deep-down below sea level. Sometimes funny, sometimes self-centered, nonetheless always loyal and progressively trying to get out of her own muddled head and into the colorful world that awaits. She has her better and worse days, but she would definitely not turn down company on this bumpy ride of self-expression & growing up...

~ Sunday, March 11 ~
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Dear diary,

It saddens me dearly that you can not experience what a walk feels like… I usually avoid them, as the silence and the haunting thoughts that come with it petrify me. Nonetheless, today I have emerged from my lair, prompted by the crisp spring air and my dear comrade Aleksandra, in whom I seem to have discovered an increasingly familiar creature to yours truly these past few weeks.

Walking… a seemingly tedious activity, but it certainly has its charm. The icy air pinching your skin, the breeze… Your feet suddenly feel drunkenly light and your walk becomes springy, almost as though you are seven again and there are no troubles in this world. You can not see yourself but you know your cheeks are red and there comes a moment when you want to take your jacket off and swing it onto a pile of leaves. You wander off your trail, you take a left turn, a right, then a left again… Until you do not know where you are nor what  time it is. You keep walking. It does not matter. Music floods your conscience and your thoughts start lifting you up and away from the mundane. You feel light-headed, intoxicated with oxygen. You stumble, laugh, hum, twirl like the magical creature that you are… People may look at you queerly but you can not see them. They are merely blurry shadows passing by, to be ignored. Your attention is elsewhere - it is captivated by the exaggerated lights, the stream rushing to your left, the grass and its almost inaudible sway. Finally, the air. Oh what a magnificent mixture of chemicals it is… Mysterious, enchanting. All there is, is your own childish smile and the trees…  You roll your sleeves up, spread your hands as though they were wings and let the wind caress your wrists, lifting them, taking them further and further away, as though they were no longer a part of your body. Momentarily you are in harmony, no longer scratching at the walls of your own body, trying to overcome its barrier.

Alas, just for a second, but it takes you to that world I so often dream of, the one I yearn for, the only one I understand…